You did not actually believe in Jesus as a child because you would have been once-saved-always-saved. You may not even have reached the age of accountability by then. Whatever you thought you believed in it was not Jesus for if it was, He would never let you go. That is true love! You know not this love.

In other words, you did not give your life to the Jesus who keeps. It is as though you had one foot in and one foot out of the doorway (selfishly unwilling to let go of control of self) even still now worshiping a false Christ. I see the connection between your uncommittal attitude of agnosticism to that of your unsureness if you will remain allegedly saved. What you don't realize is you have never been born-again, not then not now, because you refuse to give your life to the Jesus who ALWAYS keeps.

How sad for you that this is the type of person you want to be. You exalt yourself pridefully in your own power to keep yourself allegedly saved when God knows no man has such power. You erect yourself on high to do what only God can do. You give no meaning to the passage that says no man is saved by His works (or self-strength) lest any should boast, not realizing this passage is talking about your false faith of a non-OSAS Christ.

A new creation has eternal life NOW which is both eternal blessings which can never be lost and the ability given to have a personal relationship with Christ today (John 17.3). The spirit of a new life in Christ is regenerated, quickened by the Holy Spirit, and the spirit of eternal life is given for the Holy Spirit to indwell permanently.

That which is eternal can never become non-eternal or cease to be eternal. That's a God you can trust in who provides the true eternal solution. The Holy Spirit would never come to indwell a person's spirit if that spirit had the potential to become dead to God again. You know not what you believe!

Even you are permanently existing though you do not have eternal life. You're headed to perdition. And in all sincerity even statistically speaking, you will problem never give your life to Jesus that keeps always.

If you want to learn more about this great harlot of Religious Rome that you ascribe to read this,

http://www3.telus.net/trbrooks/Revelation_17.htm

You must know of the prophecy of Peter Romanus in which this current pope is the last pope which will spell the destruction in his time of the Vatican, and a nuclear bomb is the only thing suitable according to Rev. 17.16 for the woman who rides the beast and makes drunk the nations with the wine of the wrath of her fornications (14.8); and that doesn't apply only to your archbishops, and the like, having sex with little boys. It extends to being in bed with the world even being seen cajoling with Hitler. Too bad the Roman Catholic Church didn't speak out against Hitler, things might not have gone so badly.

Just ask the question, would Jesus do that?