Trust me you are going to Hell because you refuse to repent and believe in Christ to be regenerated. I haven't had any of your problems like KJV idolatry. I have always believed in the open Bible. What's interesting is none of the doctrines or beliefs I have had have chanced, for God keeps me in the truth. In other words, I never leaped-frogged into stuff and overassumed like you did. Perhaps you should consider you are making the same mistake again with Calvinism. What the Holy Spirit is telling me is that you were never saved to begin with, you found Christianity distasteful, so you wanted to construct something else and that became Calvinism for you, the pride of thinking you were irresistibly selected. You have a contradiction as well because you said you were saved some other way before than you are saved now under the way Calvinism teaches. You don't care that people are going to Hell which stands to reason because Calvinism is cold and heartless. It has no feeling to sense this is the worst thing possible for people. You don't know how to shed a tear for others because to you they are just being preteritioned like Hitler sent the Jews to the gas chambers. It's just part of your god's novel and you are a pawn in his game. I know you probably think you could be on the right track, but just know that there are a body of believers out there, a "little flock," who know that you have never been born-again and probably never will be. God's way is to woo and plead with us absolutely. Any other way would be unholy and unrighteous. God did not just convert Paul, but God like Peter said "Repent ye therefore, and be converted" (Acts 3.19). After giving a long discourse to convince, he then gives them the choice like God did with Paul, "Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?" to convince, to give Paul the choice. Realize why you are here. It's because there is an uneasiness in your own conscience about what you believe in, but take that to its conclusion and give your life to Christ, but before you do so you will have to rebuke Calvinism. You will have to say to God you don't want to be saved that way. You want this other Christ. You must choose the right Christ. Not the false Christ.
The will is not the center, God is the center, but for God to be the center He must give us the choice, for anything less is robots. God can surely do better than that and surely God wants to commune with sovereign free willed beings, not automatons and characters in a novel or a bunch of chess pieces He can move around or yank one kid out of the sand with a hook and kick the other down so he dies. What love is that? The beauty of God is His standards are always higher than ours. As good as we may think we are, He is always better. Ask yourself why you want to keep this false teaching of Total depravity and a god who is unable to provide sufficient grace to everyone to have the choice? Just know how you come across. The way you come across to others is that you erect this idol called Total depravity that says you can't repent and believe in Christ to be regenerated; therefore, what do you do? What you do is you take on the mistaken assumption, without repentance, to pridefully think you were irresistibly selected so you don't have to repent and believe in Christ to be regenerated. By assuming you could not repent it appeases your conscience with this idol, but it can only smother it for so long. As time goes on, you will become more aware of people you hurt with Calvinism, this pride, the delusion of it all, but by then when you are in Hell it will be too late because it will be more painful for you to repent and give your life to Christ than to spend eternity in Hell. And sad to say, this is the course you are on and it will take a miracle to get you off that train. You simply what to be with a lesser god which is really just an idol, than the God of the Bible, for God of the Bible always trumps your god, since to have the ability to create sovereign free-willed beings is always better than not being able to. Just like a child doesn't know how to a build a multinational corporation with hundreds of thousands of employees each with their own free will, Calvinism cannot fathom how God can do this on the grandest scale.What is faith to you? Something that I do, that I muster from my own will-power? If this is your faith, let it never come near me. Real faith is a gift from God, something outside of us, something that does NOT come naturally to us fallen creatures with corrupted wills. Tell me one thing: Why do you place the doctrine of the corrupt human will as the center point of your theology? WHY do you want to keep this doctrine? Do you think the doctrine of free will is the center of the Bible? Is this what the Bible is about, man, and his will? Sorry, the Bible is really about God and his will.
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