I listened to audios and watched videos and they come across as violent to me. Maybe your version of violence is different than mine because your heart was you admitted "worshiping Satan". That's a hard heart.

Do you believe Jesus is God and was resurrected AND He is the 2nd Person of the Trinity? You said in your profile you don't feel forgiven ("i fear that i am not forgiven"), but God says you are forgiven if you truly believe in Him. Appropriate His perfect work for you. Rebuke Satan for messing with your feelings. This is spiritual warfare. Realize there is a war on for your life.

As to first rapture not surprisingly they differ from Watchman Nee. They claim all overcomers are raptured before the Tribulation. Whereas Nee in his book "Come Lord, Jesus" which I agree because I have read deeply those proofs, said that only living overcomers at the time and martyred Christians from previous centuries are raptured at the the first rapture. Take a look at the Partial Rapture poll in the Separate Rapture forums.

Even so, there is a Calvinist tendency at LSM like you said, you were chosen before you had a choice. God chose by foreknowing our free-choice. The mistake in thinking comes from the idol called Total depravity. Man is not Totally depraved.

And we can't forget to keep mentioning the heresy of modalism, claiming the Father is the Son, and deification, calling oneself God, and suing for 136 million.

I stand by still to this day the 6 major sins of leeism are truly sinful even with all the sugar-coating on them.

You should ask your dad why they reject the Apostles are for today and get back to me with the answer. Watchman Nee said there were about 200 Apostles in China in his day shortly before he was sent to prison for life. The little flock remain in China today and they reject the LSM. It is really weird how the Leeists changed chapter 2, part 1 of TSM in their version. For me it is the weirdest thing of all because I have read The Spiritual Man so deeply. All you need is the Bible but if you wanted one other book to help you TSM fits the Bible like a glove. It is the only book Nee ever published of size. The most important thing once you are saved is to experience the dividing of your spirit, soul and body. Many spiritual Christians have said they would not know what spiritual life was like if they did not know this and experience it. It's one thing to know it and another to experience it. The proper consecration is needed to experience it for that grace to come in to really know and feel and sense the differences in your soul and spirit to be able to walk by your spirit, and in the differences between your soul and body of your 'soulical body'.

A person who wanted to write a comprehensive book on the LSM cult should go about it this way I think:
1) Read all of Watchman Nee's writings deeply from CFP & CLC to know what Nee really believed.
2) Read various critiques of Nee out there that are coming from Calvinists (Dana Roberts and G. Richard Fisher-bipartite, calvinist, amillennialists) to show how they bear false witness against him. They have serious angst against him. It is palpable. Dana has written three books on Nee now trying to find fault with him. But we are tripartite, osas arminian, partial rapture believers fully proven in God's word. Apostles are for today, Scriptural locality is true, and gap restoration is true. They take issue with that too.
3) Then read the LSM writings to show how different they are, both from their writings they make 30% longer of Nee and how Lee's writings differed so much from Nee's writings. It's a monumental task. But my prophecy is someone will do it one day. It has still never been done after all this time.
4) Do this and you produce a powerful piece of work. Who knows maybe you are the one to do it to engage the warfare and the battle head on. Then the confusion goes away.